The first time I remember crying into a journal was March 03rd, 2016. I wrote a lot in the next few months, going through the last months of my Sophomore year and the time I spent at that high school. I told my friends I was moving over the course of a couple weeks. I told one of my best friends via text, another right before the start of World History, and another in the cafeteria, which caused her to throw her pencil case at me.
I didn't want to move. No, I don't think you understand. I really didn't want to move. I didn't want to start over again, and I didn't want to go to a new school where I literally didn't know a single person. I had never done that before. Every school I'd gone to had at least one person that I knew. So when the first day of my Junior year came around, I stayed in the car until my mom had to force me out. I went to the wrong side of the campus, had a couple eighth graders tell me so, and was late to a couple classes. It was easily not my favorite day. But slowly and surely the year progressed into something beautiful.
Some of the girls in the class above me took me under their wing and were like the six big sisters I never had. I've said it hundreds of times, but I don't think I can ever thank them enough. When I started at the school I'm at now, I had sunk back into this shy state, which is who I was when I was in elementary school. All of them lifted me up, made me feel smart, and raised my confidence to the highest it's ever been. As the progressed, I found myself being coined "the writer" and "that one girl who likes poetry," and I started using those things to my advantage. My instagram stories became the place I showed the books of poetry I had, and after starting this blog I showed it to a few (very few) people. I had always wanted to be the one who was known for writing and poetry, especially since starting high school, and now I was that person.
Sometime during my Freshman year, I was texting one of my friends when I said I was pretty sure I wasn't being myself. I said I wanted to be the person who a little quieter, read poetry, and was known for being a writer. When I switched schools, I became that person. Not only did I become who I had wanted to be a couple years earlier, but I felt better about myself. Switching schools was the best thing that ever happened to me because I figured out who I was and who I wanted to be. I had the people to help me do that, and I learned the art of quiet strength.
I realized a few weeks ago that I'll be switching schools again next year. I'm going to college, so it's a little different, but it's a new school nonetheless. A new school, a new state, a lot of new people. It's scary, but part of me is looking forward to it. If I figured out more of who I was when I switched schools last time, I can only hope that the same will happen this time around.