My choir teacher and Les Mis director emails us to let us know important information quite often. At the end of every email, there is a quote from Daniel Handler that says "If we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives." Every time I read this, I wonder how many times I've ignored or completely avoided doing something simply because I didn't feel "ready." It's almost the end of April, and with that comes the beginning of May, which eventually turns into the end of the school year. Next year, I will be a senior in high school. Over the course of this year, many current seniors have told me that they didn't necessarily feel like seniors until they had to. Most said that until you're a senior yourself, you don't necessarily feel old enough, smart enough, or just... enough. They said you don't have to feel ready to be ready, but that by the time you have to be, you are.
Last July, I started the process of getting my driver's license. It took me a good seven months to actually complete the online driver's ed. course, but once I did, I began studying for the written test. If I want my license by the end of this year, I will need to take the test by the end of this month, yet I haven't made any appointments yet. When Les Mis ended, I was more upset than I thought I would be. This led to me searching for different theater projects that I could be a part of. Most of the websites that I found made the audition process seem terrifying, and I haven't booked anything yet. There's a Shakespeare Festival internship that I could do this summer, but I have a half-filled application that has yet to be sent.
Before moving to the area I now live in, I had the option of attending one of two schools. The first school had a girl that I knew a little, and I didn't know anyone at the second school. About a month before school started, I made the decision to go to the school where I knew no one, based on a myriad of different things. This seemed like a good idea until August 18th, 2016- my first day. When my mom pulled into the parking lot and parked, I found myself slipping down in my seat. I don't think I have ever been that nervous in my entire life, but I knew that my future self needed me to be able to walk onto a campus where I didn't know anyone. She needed me to be able to do that so she could one day take her driving test, audition for things, and be a senior who knows what she's doing.
I still have half-filled applications, study guides partially looked over, and a stomach filled with butterflies in anticipation for the year ahead, but maybe that's normal. Maybe, on some level, it's good to feel nervous about these things. Maybe the nerves and butterflies are signs that I care enough about the thing I'm about to do. Like I mentioned earlier, a few seniors have told me that they didn't feel ready until they just were. People in my life who drive have told me that they were nervous at first, and if you look up stories of famous actors and actresses, you'll find that the majority have shared an embarrassing moment in an audition or scene. Apparently, nerves are normal. Apparently, nerves are okay and good. Apparently, no one is "ready." I'm still very nervous about all that's ahead of me, but I also know that I am in no way alone in any of this.