Detox Tea Talk: May 2018

This month has a weird one. As of today, I have twelve days until graduation, and let me tell you the number twelve has never seemed sweeter. Even so, the waves of nostalgia haven't hit yet. This month has been one that has left me almost numb to all my emotions. I've been so busy with getting all my school work done before my senior class trip that I haven't let myself get nostalgic or sad. 

I was talking to my therapist on Thursday (as I have done almost every Thursday since February), and she said that getting all my work done as quickly as possible may be my own form of self-care. Getting everything done earlier means I won't be stressed about it later, and I really don't want to be stressed about all of this once finals week hits. I finished all my math for the year on Thursday as well, and that was a huge weight that was finally lifted off my shoulders. This year, and this month in particular, has been filled with more stress than I was anticipating, and I'm really glad I only have twelve days left until it's all done. 

With that said, I am still sad to be leaving my class and others in grades below me when I leave. It's a weird feeling to look around your class during Economics or Religion and think Wow, I won't be seeing 98% of you every day next year. I'll see Annaliese every day since I'll be living with her, but apart from her and one other, in twelve days I'll be saying goodbye to some of my favorite people. These are people who have made my life fuller and brighter, with more laughter and smiles than I thought possible. People who will be very hard to say goodbye to. 

But, even though I will miss them all, I'm still not feeling nostalgic or sad yet. I've been thinking that maybe those feelings won't show up until during the class trip, or maybe even until after I get back and finals week begins. Being such a nostalgic person most of the time, this feeling of numbness is very strange, and I don't like it. Whenever I feel like the feelings are going to rush in and I sense tears coming to my eyes, they disappear almost as soon as I notice them. It's like my mind just isn't ready to be sad yet, and while normally I'd say that's a good thing, right now it's just weird. I guess we'll just have to wait and see when my strong emotions return,

~ Claira