Detox Tea Talk: December 2018

When you read this I will be on Christmas Break, the stress of finals and the end of Fall Quarter fully behind me. I will be three days deep in candy canes, Christmas lights, and countless covers of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. Unfortunately for me, as of writing this I am two weeks deep in study sheets, essay drafts, and dried up highlighters due to all my note taking. Nevertheless, I am trying my best to keep the Christmas spirit alive. Part of that includes loads of reflection, especially on my college experience thus far.

Earlier this month I went to church for the first time in a little while. As we were singing I was reminded of my first couple of weeks here. Everywhere I went I was bombarded with new things I didn’t yet understand. A new state with new weather, new people with new stories, and new classes and new teachers with new expectations. Still, no matter how overwhelmed I felt I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was supposed to be here. On that first weekend, when my mom and I walked around the campus for the first time (because the first time I saw my university was when I arrived to unpack), she stopped and said that I was supposed to be here and it would be a good place for me. I believed her, and over the course of Fall Quarter those words continued to ring loudly in my ears.

As the quarter progressed, a lot of things happened that made me wonder if maybe this or that was the reason I was supposed to be here. Maybe I was meant to meet a particular person, or maybe I needed a certain class or teacher to help me grow in ways I wouldn’t be able to otherwise. Perhaps I got the job I had because I needed to learn… something. Or even still maybe I needed to be here so I could see how good another school would be if I switched. Of all these ideas, I tended to latch onto the people the most. One person in particular made me wonder if perhaps I needed to be here simply so I could meet him.

On this blog I have never explicitly talked about the more, for lack of a better word, romantic side of my life, and I don’t plan to now. That’s what my poetry is for. But the month of November was certainly an… interesting one for me. I was getting to know someone and things seemed to be going well. We talked a lot, and I was really happy. Unfortunately, with that came me wondering if I was here simply so this could happen.

Boy oh boy was I wrong.

To make a short story even shorter, I am not here simply so that could happen. What I have come to realize is there is not going to be a single reason why I am supposed to be here. Maybe I did need to meet that person, but maybe I also need my acting class. Maybe I need my job, but maybe I also need my Saturday evenings of swing dancing. There is not a doubt in my mind that I am where I am supposed to be. I may not know exactly why that is quite yet, but I know it’s true,

~ Claira

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“There’s no where you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.” ~ John Lennon