As I write this, I am sitting in my grandparent’s living room, watching a murder mystery, with my grandmother next to me. It’s a Thursday, I just posted my piece on my trip to France, and tomorrow my mom and I start the drive up to college. This has been a crazy, insane, somewhat intense week, and it’s been a lot to process. This week I’ve cried more than I like (and I know there will be plenty more tears tomorrow when I say goodbye to my grandparents, little brother, and dog), talked on the phone more than I like, and ridden many, many miles on my stationary bike in order to keep my anxiety levels fairly low.
This week there have been definite highs and definite lows. I may be moving into my dorm room on Sunday, but there is still so much left up in the air, and if you’ve read this blog even a little bit, you’ll know that I hate feeling out of control. But this week has forced me into a place of accepting the things I can’t control, and learning to work hard on the things that I can.
I write this the day before I leave for college, and that’s a scary thought. Ever since I was twelve years old I’ve been waiting for this moment to arrive. I’ve dreamt about, worked towards, and planned for the year that is about to start in only a few days, and it feels very strange that it really is that close. My reality is about to change, and by the time you’re reading this it will already have. A lot of my time is spent thinking about self improvement, and whenever I have a major life change, I tend to focus on it even more. Hence, I’m trying really hard not to only pay attention to the things I have no control over.
It’s hard, though. It’s hard to get rid of the voice in your head that says you need to control everything, but I’m working on it. So, I’m checking things off my to-do list and trying to ground myself in reality as much as possible. And I’m trying to remember all the reasons why I’m excited about starting college. Like I said, I’ve been looking forward to this ever since I was twelve. Many different colleges have been at the top of my list, and many different majors have been considered. Many different things have been up in the air, and there has always been a fear of the unknown. But tomorrow I get to pack up and walk straight into the unknown. Here’s hoping the bravery sticks around,
“Step boldly, step bravely into the unknown, the untold. Open your heart and your arms to what may be, what could be, what will be.” ~ The Unknown by Erin Williams