The Prologue

“What’s past is prologue.” ~ William Shakespeare, The Tempest

I like to imagine that there are two ways you can think of your past. You can think of it either as the prologue, or like the “previously on” from the beginning of TV shows. If you think of it like the prologue, it’s like saying that the things that have happened to you are important to the story, but they aren’t the story. If you think of it the other way, that’s like saying your past is still very much a part of your present.

I’ve started going to therapy again. I think I’m ready to think of my childhood as the prologue. It was important in me becoming me, but it doesn’t need to be the whole story anymore.

 

~ 121

 

 

Happy New Year!

Happy 2018! As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not really one to make resolutions, but I still like to reflect on the previous year and think about all I want to accomplish in the new one. This year, as I’ve said, I’m definitely working on making sure I’m okay in the midst of helping other people. Aside from that, I really want to improve with writing, and that’s where this website comes in. We’re coming into the second full year of this, and for me that’s a pretty big deal. I want this website to be filled with more stories, pictures, and happiness. Last year I got deep most of the time, and while I can’t promise that won’t still be the case (I’m a reflective person by nature), I want this year to be filled with happy, story-filled essays. Everyone has something they want this year to be more of, and I hope all of you find that thing and succeed in it.With that said, I hope you had a very merry holiday season, and happy New Year to you all!

~ 182 words 

Burned Out

I got burned out. Between finals, Christmas concert preparation, auditions, and hasty gift wrapping, I lost all motivation to do anything other than sleep and binge watch whatever was first on my Netflix queue. Because of that lack of motivation, I missed a website post for the first time in over a year. This may not seem like such a big deal to anyone, but to me, it consumed me for days leading up to last Thursday until now, when I’m writing this.

I need to be better at letting things go, and that certainly doesn’t come naturally. I have more posts written and scheduled so this shouldn’t happen again for the foreseeable future, but I still need to be able to move on if something does come up and I can’t finish a post in time. Please forgive this weird rambling, but I needed to write something or I’d go crazy about the blank space in my website plan.

Seriously. I need to get better at letting things go…

~ 170

 

Lemon Cake in a Scottish Castle

I try to find things to be thankful for everyday. Those little, ordinary things that bring joy to our everyday lives. Today, however, I wanted to go through a few of those things that are less ordinary, and a little more extraordinary.

  1. Lemon cake in a scottish castle

  2. Lattes with a hint of rose outside a food truck in Portland

  3. Christmas music

  4. Curtains falling for the last time and the excitement that ensues behind them

  5. Finding old stories I wrote when I was little

  6. Walking through Seattle when the streets are busy but not too busy

  7. Hugging a friend you haven’t seen in a really long time

~ 107

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I'm a Senior

In life, we are constantly leveling up. All around us, something is always changing. Sometimes those changes happen over time, sometimes it happens all at once, and sometimes they seem like a combination of the two. For me, starting my senior year was a combination.

Yesterday was my first day, but instead of talking about how it went and what I did, I wanted to talk about change a little more. The first picture below was taken the night before I started my Freshman year, and the second one was taken a couple days ago, the night before I started my Senior year. Obviously, becoming a senior did not happen overnight. It took many years of education to get here, but at the same time, it still feels like it happened all of a sudden. It feels like just yesterday I was sitting on the diving board talking to my mom and she took that picture, but it wasn’t yesterday. It was three years and five days ago.

The thing that gets me the most is that three years and five days ago I had no idea what was to come. I didn’t know any of the people I would soon meet, and I had no clue how they’d affect me in the long term. I hadn’t failed the tests or passed the finals yet. I hadn’t been to those disaster banquets or those amazing ones yet. I hadn’t cried in bathroom stalls yet or jumped for joy with my soon to be best friends yet. When I think about it that way, I can’t help but think that I, in this moment, have no idea what this next year has in store me. And that, my friends, is a really exciting idea.

~ 292

 

 August 12th, 2014 - the night before my Freshman year

August 12th, 2014 - the night before my Freshman year

 August 15th, 2017 - the night before my Senior year

August 15th, 2017 - the night before my Senior year

My Room is No Longer Green

Actually, it hasn’t been for some time now. At the end of June, my mom and I went to the Home Depot near our house and I picked out a light bluish lavender color to have instead of the bright almost Kermit-like green. Don’t get me wrong, I still love Kermit very much, only I had started to strongly dislike how my room looked. Superficial, maybe, but still the truth. That night I started painting, and the next day I finished it. Now, my room feels brighter and almost bigger, and I’m very happy with how it turned out, even if my novice painting skills allowed some of the green to peep through.  

Knowing me, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that almost everything I do becomes a metaphor. The green walls could represent all that I was and did last year, and the new lavender walls become my hopes and dreams and plans for the future. It is possible that I live in the past too much and need to step away from the nostalgia for a while, but for now I like the metaphor. I painted my room all by myself, and even though it can be deemed such a small thing, it was a big deal to me. Over the last couple months I’ve done more things that have proved in their own way just how able I am. I don’t feel any more ready to for the future than I did, but I do know that my resilience and optimism will get me through whatever it may hold.

~ 262 

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